Willin’ (to feel)

by Nicholas Andrea

Late and vulnerable
I asked you, yes I did,
to break this heart and mind
knowing the best lyrics come
from a soul who is lost and
wandering, for a light that ever shines;

yes, the shadows are the place
from which we can create
a longing for something that we must have left
long ago, that
left a scar inside,
when we chose to go;

the feeling of being alone
despite all around me, trees,
their faces showin’

but, alone or not’s an inside game
a movie projected onto the world –
what we see outside and inside are the same;

these cracks in me
God will come and fill them
with a light I can see
so, it was told to me, for real
but such things we do not believe
until them we feel;

that’s just it, isn’t it?
Each person must, their own cross, bear
reveal their heart’s true song
and hope that life, or something, cares;

like a child who took off his acorn shell
one walks this unpaved road
into heaven, or hell;

not to know, that is real
and one can only hope
it’s a good deal.

As I sit and look through these eyes
this face and body don’t lie
there’s still a soft and tender child, inside
who, at some point, tried to run and hide;

far away to go he tried
driven by shame for the vulnerability inside;

but, the truth cannot be denied:
you’re still here, Nicholas
you’re still the same one looking through these eyes;

so, as I walk, today
I’ll regress to a 2-year old state
where wonder filled my perception
and every experience felt
like a life or death proposition;

yea, pure, raw emotion
unquenchable save by complete immersion and devotion
to being who and what I am
a lion and a lamb;

phew, little one, how I’ve left you
hoping you’d just get over it, too,
oh , soft and precious child
you never felt anything mild;

generations of intensity filled
your DNA and spilled
out from the pot of control and onto you
finally, a one born to this lineage who
couldn’t run from the truth,

that there’s work to be done
there’s feelings to be felt
can’t run, can’t run, no
can’t hide in work or stimulation
can’t live life as a simulation;

got to be here, now, true
got to cry for the lord, around you
got to feel hurt when people hurt you
got to show elation when they feed you;

oh child, child in the cave
I know you are brave
and you’re also afraid
come, come forth,
come forth and be saved;

child, this may not mean much
but I love you
like a desert that finally tastes the rain
it’s been missin’ all these years, and needs, again,

I love you, child
I know you feel deep
a gift, truly a gift to keep
I can’t make you do anything
and, I’ll never try
but, I want you to know
you don’t, any longer, have to hide;

I love you, child
the one deep, deep inside.


About NickAndrea19

My goal has always been and continues to be the liberation of minds, my own and what influence I may have on others, to perceive the extraordinary beauty all around us. To this end, I write, play music, and design websites. Don't hesitate to contact me for more information about any of these activities. :)
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