by Nick Andrea
I had a meeting with someone this past Tuesday about an idea to start a music center. I won’t go into the details here, but the concept was so resonant with me, body, mind, and spirit, that I literally wanted to squeal. It was like being smooched by God in the middle of broad daylight. Every part of me said, “Yes! I will do that!”
This morning, however, I woke up with discomfort about it. Suddenly I was afraid of what it might mean for the nice, neat little life I’ve planned out for myself. I was afraid that aligning so closely with my potential would somehow disrupt this life I have. Why? Because real power is not about control. It’s about surrender.
I’m afraid to be powerful. It’s much easier to stay unhappy, unfulfilled, and poor. When I was in grade school I was in all honors classes. Yet, I consistently got one comment on my report card: “Does not live up to potential.” It’s easier to make excuses for mediocrity than to ride the wave of Life because by remaining small we remain in control, and control is the ego’s chief weapon against it’s greatest fear: annihilation.
Yes, real potential annihilates the ego. Ask any great artist, musician, or poet, and they will tell you that. I am afraid to walk this path that has been presented to me because it will mean stepping beyond my control.
Yet, I have never met a master (of anything) that was not a surfer of the cosmic flow. They were all surrendered to their higher selves without exception. The higher self is that which we are one with but which is beyond our ego, our temporal selves. In surrendering our schemes, concoctions, and formulas of control we align with It. This is love.
Control, on the other hand, is rooted in fear. Ego controls because it is afraid, and then freaks out when Spirit speaks. I have been freaking out because the possibility of living with my heart ablaze is dawning.
So, it is scary, but I am recognizing that fear and going forth, anyhow. 30 years is too long to wait starting a life of greatness. I can do it. I can surf the flow.
I will close with this for myself and for you:
One time I saw myself through the eyes of God. This showed me that God ONLY wanted to give me everything, that God ONLY had love for me, that God ONLY wanted me to excel. Punishment and deprivation were not part of God’s equation. This was hard to swallow then and it still is now, but I believe it with absolute certainty. God is continuously showering blessings upon us. We are the aperture of grace. The more we open – love – the more we will receive. The more we restrict – fear – the less we will receive. It’s our choice.
Real power has nothing to do with the self. It is all God. So, if you’re afraid of it like me, get over it. You will be guided. 🙂