by Nick Andrea
Recently a thought-image happened to me. There were the pearly white gates of Heaven and standing before me were a counsel of beings that had been appointed to watch over me throughout my life, giving me signs and signals along the way to help me navigate the world. Now, it was time for my life review.
However, instead of “God” being in the seat of judgment it was me. I got to see all the moments of my life and judge myself according to how much integrity I had had. This had, however, nothing to do with meeting some externally imposed standard, but the integrity was with myself. How much had I trusted myself?
The moments I trusted myself made me feel wonderful, full, inspired. Those moments felt like God to me. These were the times I trusted that I would be taken care of when I took flight on my passion, when I trusted enough to show my vulnerability to someone else, and best of all were the times when I loved others and myself. Love was the reigning factor here.
The faithless moments, however, gave me a feeling of deep regret. These were the moments I was afraid to do what I loved because of materialistic concerns, the moments where I contracted myself instead of opening to others, the moments where I took out my sadness on others. Fear was the common experience of these moments.
So, there is love and fear and the decider is self. What is God but our own heart? I’m not saying God does not exist, but as the great master Jesus said in Luke 17:21, “…the kingdom of God is within you.”
Don’t project God outside of yourself. You have to answer to you. So, what do you want? What do you really want in life? Are you living that?